


Observation on the Rituals of Courtship

by Tammaiya



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-09
Updated: 2004-04-09
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7785997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tammaiya/pseuds/Tammaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard muses on the subject of courtship, in particular as it pertains to Lord Havelock Vetinari and Sir Samuel Vimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Observation on the Rituals of Courtship

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really old fic, and in retrospect, I'm still like "couldn't I have written this without fridging Sybil?" Polyamory is a thing, past!me. I'm annoyed at my younger self for that, but too apathetic to actually fix it, and I did enjoy Leonard's POV, so didn't want to scrap this fic entirely. Oh well.

I have been known to think upon subjects ranging from anything which one could possibly suggest, and currently my thoughts have been turned to the matter of courtship. Contained in my little room so graciously provided by his Lordship, one might expect me to know little of such matters, but I have always taken interest in psychology, and take great pleasure in the observation of human behavior. In particular, I have become very attached to the career of one courtship involving a man I would like to call a friend.   
  
I wonder, what would be the longest courtship in history? This slow and cautious dance is hardly nearing that length, but watching it draws out the years to feel very long indeed. The two have been circling each other for some time now, sizing up the situation and carefully making moves, it seems, almost like chess. At least, this is how his Lordship approaches it. I find myself unsure as to whether Sir Samuel is aware that this game is playing itself out at all. I doubt it, in retrospect. If he were, I feel certain he would have done something by now. Sir Samuel, as my friend has often told me, is a man of action rather than words.   
  
In contrast, however, our dear Patrician is a man of manipulation and diplomacy. His maneuvering in this relationship is as delicate and skilled as in his every day dealings. There is, of course, a reason for his reputation as cunning. I almost pity Sir Samuel for being on the receiving end of such well-laid plans, but I trust the result shall be a sufficiently satisfactory one in order to make up for the indignity.   
  
That so much time has passed and so few steps have been taken is something I feel the need to contemplate. Perhaps I ought to invent a device to measure romantic compatibility between two people? I could call it the measuring-romantic-compatibility-device.   
  
Names never have been my strong point, I’m afraid.   
  
Besides, thinking it over more carefully, such a device would be near useless in this case. There is no denying the compatibility between the two of them; what is needed is some sort of encouragement to hurry the process along, somewhat. Maybe if I were to attach a sign to the back of his Lordship’s robes saying “kiss me”? No, very infantile of me. And naughty-- I should never have thought that. I doubt it would be at all appreciated. Anyhow, there are so very many ways in which it could backfire. For example, what if the wrong person were to take this as a suggestion? Best left well alone, I’d say.   
  
Havelock Vetinari is a very difficult man to read. I know people well, but never so well as he, and even I find that much of the time I remain in the dark as to his true motivation until he so chooses to inform me. It is frustrating, in a way, that a genius such as I should draw a blank. On the other hand, it presents a contrast, which one always finds fascinating.   
What is the nature of his proper feelings towards Samuel Vimes, I wonder? Is this a matter of mutual attraction, or something more cynical? Both, I suspect. From what little glimpses I have caught, his Lordship is interested in Sir Samuel on a personal level in addition to the professional one.   
  
I am given cause to question if this is all, however, by the death of the Lady Sybil. A very tragic affair, indeed. From what I have been told, Sir Vimes was shattered. Knowing what I do of him, this is wholly unsurprising. Sybil Ramkins and his Lordship are the two people who have made Sir Samuel the man he is today; losing one of his pillars of support must have shaken him very badly.   
  
Thus it is that I speculate over his Lordship’s reasons. Sir Vimes is very valuable to him. This game of emotions could be an elaborate safety web to stop the Commander from falling too far.   
  
Looking at it from another perspective, though, there is strong evidence to suggest that these feelings, such as they are, predate the death of Sybil. His Lordship has always paid an unusual amount of attention to Sir Samuel, found much more interest in toying with him than any other. I will always remember the one time Lord Vetinari miscalculated. “I think I may have pushed him too far this time,” he said, or something to that effect, and it rather surprised me. Havelock Vetinari does not miscalculate; his plans are constructed with great precision. Could it be that he got too caught up, I ask?  
  
Furthermore, is his Lordship capable of love? An interesting concept. One would have thought that all humans are in some form, but it is certainly not an emotion I would have associated with him. We shall have to hope he can and will, for the sake of Sir Vimes.   
  
So very many questions, all of which are rhetorical. This subject is one best left to another day, I believe.   
  
~  
  
He has come to visit me today, and I wonder what troubles his mind so that he feels the need to talk with me. He seems a little distracted, I note, and he is gravitating towards topics of no importance. When his Lordship feels the need to engage in idle conversation, it is an indication that something of substance weighs upon his mind, and he is working gradually towards it. Usually that something involves Sir Vimes, I have discovered from past experience. Patiently, I answer his questions and wait for him to come to the true reason for his visit.   
  
Even I am surprised when he finally imparts it upon me.   
  
“The Commander kissed me today,” he says, and while his voice is steady his expression is a bit distant. He is contemplating his next move, I suspect.   
  
I do not consider for even a moment that it was a shock to him. He would not let such a thing sneak up upon him, and I believe he most likely orchestrated the entire situation. Carefully pulling this thread and that, pushing Sir Vimes just far enough that he teeters but does not fall. He is a master at human puppetry. I both admire and fear his skill at such things.   
  
“Ah. Indeed. And what was your response?” I ask cautiously, waiting to hear the next step so that I may hypothesize on possible outcomes.   
  
“Nothing, Leonard,” he informs me with a slight quirk of his lips. This amuses him greatly, I would say.   
  
“And he?”   
  
“Left,” Lord Vetinari finishes smoothly. This again was part of his plans. He almost always knows what to expect.   
  
I don’t think he was expecting the kiss to be quite how it was, though. This is the second miscalculation I have seen him make, however slight, and it again pertains to Sir Samuel. I find this intriguing, and it causes me to smile.   
  
“I wish you both great happiness, then.”   
  
His Lordship shoots me a sharp glance, perhaps analyzing my words, before he smirks slightly. “Is that so? How very kind of you.”   
  
He is leaving, now, and I wonder what shall happen next.   
  
Vimes is a man of action. I am glad he has finally chosen to act, even if he was influenced into doing so. Things shall speed up greatly from here, I believe.   
  
~  
  
It is several days later, and Lord Vetinari has come back to inform me of Sir Samuel’s return. Apparently, he thought it may interest me. He is able to read me far better than I shall ever be able to read him, I am afraid.   
  
“What happened?” I ask, ever curious to find out the next action in a sequence of events.   
  
His Lordship shrugs eloquently, and I can tell details will be sparse. “He gave a melodramatic speech that was really entirely unnecessary. It seemed to make him happy, however, so I let him rant until he was done.”   
  
“And then?”   
  
Ah, a slight smile. “That is between Commander Vimes and myself,” he tells me mildly.   
  
I see. How very interesting.   
  
“Congratulations are in order, then?” I ask casually, wondering what his reaction will be. I am an inquisitive person; it is ever in my nature to do something merely to discover what the result will be.   
  
“Whatever for?”   
  
“I am glad to see the game has reached its end pleasingly,” I say calmly. There is scant point in being anything but frank, I find.   
  
His Lordship laughs quietly at that. “Was there ever any doubt?”   
  
No, I suppose there was not, at that. Still, I am relieved that nothing went wrong. Havelock has miscalculated twice before regarding Sir Samuel; third time is the charm, they say, and just as well. I would have been very disappointed for the third mistake to destroy this delicate courtship.   
  
He leaves again, and for once I know for sure that he is happy. He is a hard man to read, as I have said, but I believe he has chosen to let me see his happiness on this one occasion.   
  
They can only be good for each other, in my opinion.


End file.
